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Dating violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their race or religion, income, gender or education. It can happen between heterosexual couples and same-sex couples. It can occur at any “stage” of the relationship, from the first date to early on to throughout a lasting relationship. It may continue even after the relationship has ended. Although dating violence can involve couples of any age, teen relationships are particularly at risk.
For many teens, dating often includes little guidance or direction from adults or peers. The privacy or even secrecy that often surrounds teen relationships can complicate the issue of establishing and maintaining a safe and healthy relationship. As with any new experience, teens may not know what to expect or demand in a relationship. They may be unsure about what is and what is not appropriate or acceptable behaviour.
Dating violence can take on many forms. It may involve a single act of violence—such as a sexual assault or date rape—or it may be part of a pattern of abusive behaviour within a dating relationship. The abuse may be…
For anyone experiencing violence in a relationship, recognizing abuse can be difficult—especially if the abuser is an individual who claims to care about them. It may be particularly confusing if there are times when the relationship seems really good and everything seems healthy. It is important for teens to understand that manipulation can be a slow and creeping process, which makes it very challenging to recognize.
Getting help when a relationship becomes violent can be difficult for anyone. For teens it is further complicated since beginning to date typically coincides with a stage of growing independence. Many teens are reluctant to seek guidance or help from adults because of the fear of losing control of this private—even secret—part of their lives. Others may fear not being taken seriously, as adults may often refer to teen relationships as nothing more than “puppy love” or a passing crush.
For these reasons peers can play a vital role. Teens are more likely to confide in other teens and are also more likely to be influenced by what their peers say about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Sometimes, just being able to talk about their experience can help someone who has experienced violence to feel less isolated and alone. It can provide an opportunity to send a clear message that dating violence is unacceptable and wrong.
Jealousy and possessiveness can be early warning signs of violent or abusive behaviours. People often excuse the behaviour, thinking that it only happens because the person loves them so much. This type of behaviour is not about love. It’s about power and control.
It might seem flattering that someone wants to spend all their time with you and only you. But healthy relationships are about balance. Any attempts to isolate you from friends and family or other activities that are important to you is not a sign of love or affection. It is a sign of wanting power and control.
In a healthy relationship, people are free to make their own decisions. Dictating what type of clothes a person wears is controlling behaviour that signifies treating the person more like a possession than a person.
The impact of put-downs and name calling is often underestimated and may be justified as harmless joking around. But, the fact is that this behaviour is hurtful and damaging to a person’s self-image and confidence. This is an example of toxic language in a relationship.
It is unreasonable, unfair and disrespectful to expect sex in return for anything. Sexual activity must be free and voluntary—and only when both people are ready and able to consent.
Relationships can make for some intense emotions. Sometimes this intensity is used to justify unacceptable or abusive behaviours. Abusive behaviour is not okay, even when emotions are intense. Behaviour like this is about power and control, not love and respect.
